My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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