4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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