Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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