I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
