Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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