I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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