Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
