Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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