she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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