he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
