nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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