the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
