i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
