yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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