Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
