I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
