Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
