Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need a beard to bite.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
