She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
