i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I want to be your penis for a week.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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