I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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