You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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