I must be too annoying 4 u.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
