i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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