I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
this will be a night to untag.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
