The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
