Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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