you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
