very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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