it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
