Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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