Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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