your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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