I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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