I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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