you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
