Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
