wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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