plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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