Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
