Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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