bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
