they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
