I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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