At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
