I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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