so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
