dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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