I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
