My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
time to smoke my breakfast
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
