We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
did i just pee glitter
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
